Why I Won’t Be Voting Today


Local and European Elections are taking place across the UK today to determine the faith of our local Councils and representation at the European Parliament.

It is a day of reckoning for politicians as it is the only time that the public wield more power.

Politicians, who hold little regard to the needs of their constituents most days, become friendlier than a hooker in post World War II Berlin.

Whilst I am appreciative of the choice that is available to me to be able to vote without fear of repercussions or drones coming down on me for stepping out of my house or even that I as someone who happens to be of the female persuasion can even cast a vote (our lot always tend to get the wet end of the stick); however today I am choosing not to take up the offer.

I chose to not exercise my democratic right and join the legions of other British (and European) voters today. I know the Suffragettes would be turning in their graves at my assertion…SORRY.

I couldn’t reach one conclusive answer as to what is stopping me from embarking on the short-ish journey to the nearest polling station. So true to my indecisive form I devised a list explaining my reasoning. Hear me out folks…

Ahem… So you know…

1. That pothole you promised to fix at the last elections it is still there. Instead of fixing it you empty my bin once every 2 weeks. What kind of a deal is that?

2. The only time I see the lot of you is around this time of the year. Dressing up in your tracksuit and hand delivering your propaganda won’t score you any extra brownie points either.

3. The xenophobes are having a field day. They are spoilt for choice, UKIP, BNP, Britain First, et al, why can’t the rest of you give me such a varied composition of faithful politicians, eh?

4. In this particular moment in time the only queue I care about beating is the one to the communal kitchen microwave at work.

5. Seriously though have you seen the weather?! My apparel of choice isn’t appropriate for this downpour… Is there an app I can vote on?!

6. Is it weird that I dig Farrage’s sartorial sensibilities more? I mean if this was a style contest he would have won hands down. Tracksuit guy take a note!

7. I am agoraphobic and thus fearful of inescapable situations. Such as when Tracksuit candidate casts puppy eyed looks my way pleading with me to tick his name on the ballot papers. What do I say to him when he finds out I haven’t “sorry mate its purely sartorial based, erm your policies are commendable though, erm I think…?!!”

8. Ain’t nobody got time for liars!

9. Would it get Farrage off my screen if I do hmm?

10. Oh I am not even registered to vote…..

 

OOPSIE!!!

 

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