To Commit or Not Commit


I am commitment phobic… There folks I said it. This psycho-analytical revelation wasn’t something I wasn’t hitherto unwary of. Of the plethora of phobic paraphernalia I suffer from, fear of commitment is the only one I never actually admitted to myself or to anyone else interested in such folly.

It wasn’t until a recent conversation with a friend in which I became somewhat epiphanic. It was then, amidst a gentle grilling from my friend where he questioned why I fail to attend the gym that it dawned on me that maybe I suffer from commitment phobia.

Of course I didn’t admit that to my friend. I saved him the heart break, the realisation that his friend prefers a life of sedentary solitude where the only commitment required is with the couch as opposed to being his gym partner-come-protégé. Though I might need to explain to him in 6 weeks’ time why his fitness plan isn’t working for my pot belly.  I suppose I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I have an aversion to anything that requires an undertaking that lasts any longer than an hour. I lose concentration and generally fall out of love with anything humanly or otherwise after 60 minutes. That’s why at 27 I don’t have a phone contract, I am semi-vegetarian, I have a gym membership that I never use and more or less freak out every time someone mentions the word marriage.

Though at 27 escaping the word marriage (and sales advisors with lucrative phone contracts) is almost inescapable. I am the Jennifer Aniston of my world minus the blonde tresses; though I am working on that. Everyone wants to know when you’ll get married. For a commitment phobic like me that’s on par with asking a vegetarian (which I also happen to be, albeit semi) let’s dive into a bit of a bone marrow stew… Someone pass me the sick bucket…

Puking aside… The marriage references, innuendos, offerings, insults; whatever the narrative, has been on the rise. For many self-appointed worriers, I am close to surpassing my sell by date and destined to a life of putrefaction; only exasperated by not having an equally elusive phone contract with the latest 4G technology. I need saving, I am told with great assiduousness.

Commitment is what turns a promise into a reality. I don’t like making promises I can’t keep and I am relatively happy with my current stream of reality. The rebel in me doesn’t want to be confined into the linear narration of a commitment. I can’t commit to commitments, I really just can’t.

I like the excitement of what nonconformist ideals may bring me…According to Warren Farren “when women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.” As I am often told, I was probably a man in my previous life that is now incarnated as a woman. I am an independent person (note my intentional use of an abstract noun here) who has commitment issues.

Do I love you? Maybe I do maybe I don’t…

Or if we consider my 6 year old nephew’s pertinent question “am I your favourite?” to which I reply to with unabashed uncertainty “maybe you are maybe you are not”…after all there is a tribe of nieces and nephews all competing for that coveted position.

There is something in the ‘maybe’ that appeals to me. Its tentative nature is all but too comforting. For now all I can commit myself to is a mere maybe…

The uncommitted life is one truly worth living, or at the very least worth exploring!! That in itself my friend,s is an unconditional commitment.

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17 thoughts on “To Commit or Not Commit

  1. Once I turned 30, I started to get this: “Oh, and you’re not married yet…” It sucked. Depending on the crowd, I would tell people, “I don’t just wanna marry any old scrub just to say I was married!” Or “I haven’t found someone good enough for me yet.” or “I’m too busy being a badass on my own before I can join with someone else’s badassness.” And I would take myself on trips, which are some of the best memories I have.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I enjoy your writing, but I found the first bit a tad wordy, but drew too much attention away from the message. main thing is, I like it, and I also have issues with commitment and wrote a post on it. In case you ever feel you wanna relate a smidgen or just feel like reading someting different I’ll put a link for you. Now it kind of feels like I’m trying to sell my self…Jeez.. im sorry

    http://thoughtsuntraveled.wordpress.com/2014/10/23/knowing-youre-going-to-lose-it-all/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate the feeback. I do agree in that i have a tendency to beat around the bush as opposed to going straight to the point 😁

      I’ll be sure to check out your piece as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve been meaning to read your blog, but my own commitments (children, divorce, single momhood, new house, work, the holidays) have completely overwhelmed me. But I must let you know that I felt washed up at 25 (!) because I wasn’t engaged, even though I had an incredible career (which of course, I gave up when I got married). Oh – and I married the wrong person to boot.

    Stay uncommitted! Enjoy being young and smart and independent! That’s all good – what’s scary is when people stop exploring new things and get stuck on what is familiar and non-threatening. Now that’s dangerous.

    I really like your “voice” and your confident writing. Good luck, I’ll be reading!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I totally understand, some commitments will always need seeing to. But i can’t thank you enough for taking the time out to read this.

      Too often we get comfortable and stick to what we know so you are right.. It can be scary indeed!

      Thank you for your insight and kind words.. And yes i’ll stay uncomitted, well for as long as i can get away with it.

      Happy holidays lovie x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi! A very interesting post indeed – especially from the pov of someone who’s been married now for 24yrs! Lol! :))) But I can totally understand what you are saying – one must do what makes one happy ultimately. It’s no use being miserable and by turns the person with you is also miserable. Better to be happy – ultimately that’s the purpose of most things that we do, including blogging! So walk your path, and march to whatever drummer beat appeals to you! Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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